weareallgoingtodie.com

There is something incredibly annoying about lilly-white Americans who move to Hawaii and start saying “aloha” all the time.

It’s a [expletive deleted] nuisance.

It’s as pretentious as if I were to move to Morocco and start signing my emails in tamazight.

You see, I’m not Berber or Tuareg.

Or, if I moved to New Zealand and started every email I ever wrote with “Kia Ora”.

It’s not like using native terms is encouraging solidarity with the indigenous people of the land I’ve colonized.  No, it is the Disneyfication of the experience.  Like thinking you’ve had French food because you’ve eaten at Paris in Epcot.

But people in Hawaii think it is ok, to say Aloha.

Why?

One simple reason, they are in Hawaii.

If they were in Siberia they wouldn’t make it a habit to sign all their emails in a remote language that doesn’t make people slightly envious.

We GET IT.  You are in Hawaii, now stop gloating. You pompous shit.  You are sitting in front of a computer writing an email, not out enjoying the awesome life in Hawaii.  You are probably eating a donut, and you area going to die.

Now stop acting like you are the only devil-may-care American who has “gone savage”.   You aren’t Gauguin.  Or maybe you are 1/32 Cherokee and need to tell people about that, as well.

I would love to live in Hawaii and I plan on it someday.  But I swear to the entire Internet I will never write Aloha in an email.  It is a slap in the face to anyone with Hawaiian blood.

Haoles saying aloha is wrong.